Navigating American Social Culture: A Guide for Foreign-Born Military Spouses 

Moving to a new country is like trying to navigate a jungle in flip-flops—exciting, unpredictable, and sometimes a little uncomfortable. For foreign-born military spouses, adjusting to life in the U.S. comes with unique challenges. From trying to figure out why Americans love small talk about the weather to understanding why they consider arriving “on time” an Olympic sport, there’s a lot to take in.

But fear not! This blog is here to help you adjust to American social culture with a smile.

English- What a beautiful language

English is the language that is widely used in America. If you are a foreign born spouse from a country that doesn’t predominantly use English, you might have a hard time communicating. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about nor should you be worried. Besides, everyone in America is a migrant (if you know what I mean!) English is a simple language that can easily be learned. Check out some of these websites to learn more about how you can become proficient in the English language. 

Duolingo
A free and popular app offering interactive language lessons for learners of all levels.
www.duolingo.com

BBC Learning English
Provides free courses, videos, and audio resources covering vocabulary, grammar, and pronunciation.
www.bbc.co.uk/learningenglish 

ESL Lab
A site offering listening comprehension exercises, quizzes, and practice materials to improve listening and understanding.
www.esl-lab.com

EnglishClub
Offers lessons on grammar, vocabulary, and listening along with forums to connect with other English learners.
www.englishclub.com

USA Learns
A free website from the U.S. Department of Education designed to help adults learn English with comprehensive courses.
www.usalearns.org

Coursera – English for Career Development
A free course for those looking to develop their English skills for job-seeking and career advancement.
www.coursera.org/learn/careerdevelopment

Lingoda
Offers online English lessons with certified teachers, focusing on both general English and specific skills like business English.
www.lingoda.com

Individualism: The “I Got This” Attitude

One thing you’ll quickly notice about Americans: they love their independence. You’ll often hear phrases like “You do you!” or “I got this.” Americans pride themselves on personal freedom, decision-making, and being self-sufficient. If you’re used to making group decisions with family or friends, this might feel a bit like being thrown into the deep end of the decision-making pool.

*Don’t be afraid to make choices that are right for you. Whether it’s picking a favorite hobby or attending an event solo, your independence is celebrated here!

Small Talk: Mastering the Art of Chit-Chat

If you’ve ever been in line at the grocery store and the cashier starts talking about the weather, don’t be alarmed—that’s just small talk, and Americans love it. Whether it’s discussing the latest TV show or the temperature outside (it’s always either “too hot” or “too cold”), these little chats are a way to break the ice and show friendliness.

Small talk isn’t about deep conversations, it’s just a way to ease into social interactions. Think of it as the appetizer before the main meal.

*Have a few weather-related comments in your back pocket, and you’ll be a small-talk pro in no time.

Punctuality: On Time is Late

Americans have a deep love affair with punctuality. Arriving on time? That’s considered “late” by many. If an event starts at 6:00 p.m., people will probably start showing up by 5:50 p.m. It’s a cultural norm that might feel a little intense if you’re used to a more relaxed sense of time, but it’s a sign of respect here.

*Aim to arrive 5-10 mins early, it’ll save you the awkwardness of walking in after everyone is already there. 

https://www.calendar.com/blog/10-tips-for-being-punctual/ 

Celebrating Equality: Everyone’s Welcome at the Table

In America, there’s a strong emphasis on equality. Gender roles are often fluid, and there’s a general expectation that everyone, regardless of background, should be treated equally. This can make social settings, especially military ones, feel very inclusive. You’ll notice that everyone—from the youngest to the oldest—is encouraged to participate in conversations and decision-making.

*Embrace the flexibility! Whether you’re a natural at the grill or prefer to be in the kitchen, there’s no strict social rule for what’s expected.

American Holidays: Food, Fireworks, and Football

When it comes to holidays, Americans love to go all out—Thanksgiving, the Fourth of July, and Memorial Day are huge community events. Expect barbecues, parades, and fireworks. These holidays are a great way to engage with your local community and military family. They’re also an excellent opportunity to share some of your own cultural traditions.

*Jump in and enjoy the festivities, but don’t hesitate to introduce a dish or tradition from your own culture. Americans love learning about different cultures.

https://publicholidays.com/2024-dates/ 

https://www.calendarr.com/united-states/observances-2024/ 

Building Your Social Network: Your New Military Family

Being part of the military community comes with a built-in support network. Spouse groups, neighborhood gatherings, and base events can make it easier to meet new people. You’re never really alone, even if it feels that way at first. Joining in on these activities can help you form close bonds and friendships that last through the ups and downs of military life.

And guess what! We have a facebook support group that I am sure you would love to join. 

Foreign Born Military Spouse Support Network  

*Get involved. Whether it’s a spouse club or a community event, military life is all about making connections—and your fellow spouses are often the first ones to lend a helping hand.

PS: Adjusting takes time, you’re doing the best you can. 

Adjusting to American social culture can be a bit of a learning curve, but with a bit of humor, flexibility, and an open mind, you’ll feel right at home. The key is to embrace the quirks, learn from the differences, and enjoy the new experiences.

Before you know it, you’ll be hosting your own BBQs, mastering small talk, and arriving *fashionably on time* to every event!

Resources:

https://asymca.org/blog/the-challenges-of-being-a-foreign-national-military-spouse/